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Sunday, October 7th, 2001
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What the hell is everyone's rush to grow up for? Being an adult sucks. I don't want to grow up. I hate the way the world is.. And as much I wish as it would stop and want for me to catch up, I know it won't. I'm going to be left behind, and you know what? I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't.
This was stolen from my other journal:
"I just want it to stop, now. I want everything to be the way it used to.
I want simple things..
.. but the world has suddenly become so complicated."
You still really want to know what I think?
Well, okay, you asked for it.
..I think the world is fucked.
Thank you, and good nite. I love all you guys a lot; so please don't forget that.
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Comments: Read 10 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 7th, 2001
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It's school. Yeah. That's it pretty much. It stressed me out about going back into it, and is stressing me still now that I'm there.
I won't go into why I was so resistant about going back, but I'll tell you a little about my gay schedule, so you'll know why I might commit suicide soon.
School starts: 8:30 a.m.
1st period - Advanced Placement Chemistry.
Yeah, this class is kewl. ( NOT! ) The teacher assigned homework on the first day, and we have a test on Tuesday. I don't really know why I took this stupid class to begin with, since I didn't really like having Chemistry last year. Stupid college application. :: Kicks herself. ::
2nd period - My switch off class. I have study on Mondays and Thursdays, and lab for Chemistry two days a week ( I don't have it memorized yet ), and lab for AP Physics the other day.
3rd period - Advanced Placement Physics.
Just like Chem, but it's Physics. Joi. I have a test for this class on Monday. He gives us tons and tons of notes, but atleast my teacher seems cool. He's still kind've young, and he even gave us his e - mail address so that we can ask him questions. Lol. Shorty209 or something.
4th period - Gym.
God. I hate gym more than anything else in my schedule. But when we do nothing, I can atleast go with the other 34059834 band kids in that period to go eat my non - existant lunch.
5th period - Spanish.
My Spanish teacher broke her wrist last year, and when it healed, it healed wrong so they had to re - break it and set it again. So we currently have a sub who is all like: "You're gonna learn Spanish while I'm here." Yet another, joi.
6th period - U.S. History Accelerated.
Can we say, "I hate history"? Well, I do. It's my absolute worst subject in the damn world. And the teacher is all like: "I hope you like your text books, because you're going to be reading them a lot!! ^^" Stfu, stupid lady. She's all like: "This a college prep course so I expect that you'll hand in all your things on time, or it's a zero."
7th period - Junior Honors English.
My teacher is a complete weirdo! She was literally howling during class! o.O! Anyway, she also says this is a "college prep course" so we're going to be writing lots and lots of 4 - 5 page essays. "But don't worry if you're not good at writing, you'll get used to it!" Ugh. And I got all the stupid preps in that class, I can already tell that I will not be learning anything this year.
8th period - Pre Calculus Accelerated.
I like this class. The teacher is hysterical. He's always cracking jokes about us and telling us stories and stuff while we learn. I still sit by the same people, so atleast I can talk to some of them. ._.;; I think this class will be good, but it's gonna be hell when we have to actually start to learn stuff.
Okay. That's it. Did you see any lunch or art in there?? No. ._. I'm stuck with that stupid ass schedule for the rest of the year. And all the same people are in my classes period after period because we all have the same schedule. It's okay, though. Since I like most of the people anyway.
Today was a long, tough day. I hope the year gets easier, though I highly doubt it will.
Not to mention that everything is so bad with everything I touch today. I can't even do something without getting yelled at or fucking it up. Ugh. I need sleep, I guess. Not to mention that I have band tomorrow. Yay. I get to watch my high school's crappy ( and miniture ) football team lose horribly to the players from Elizabeth.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, August 30th, 2001
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| Subject: | ..shoot me. |
| Time: | 4:21 pm. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. | | Music: | "The Needle and the Damage Done" -- Neil Young. |
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My friend told me the other day that he was taking someone out for their birthday. He invited the girl he liked, and said that if she didn't go, I could go in her place. My mom is all mad now because I won't straight - out ask if she's going or not. I'm freaking sorry, okay? I can't help it, it's just not the way I am.
Can't you just be friends? Why is everything about the prettiest face you can hang on your arm?
And why is the world so damn vain? I hate the fact that today's world sees nothing but outer appearance. What happens to all the people who are beautiful on the inside? Don't they ever get reconition? Not in this lifetime, I suppose.
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Friday, August 17th, 2001
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If I seem pissy today, I'm very sorry. My mother has been bugging me to get my hair cut lately, so she finally got me an appointment with another place because she says I need a "style."
The reason for my need for a "style" is that m hair is dead and limp; and completely straight. It never holds curls or anything, it just enjoys being straight as shit. e.e Even Nicole can tell you. And usually, it just lays like roadkill on my shoulders. So she sent me to another place, since my usual hairdresser will just trim it and not change the way it looks; just change the length.
Anyway, the lady at the place went through this whole speech about how my hair is dry and frizzy in the middle part, etc. And to get rid of the frizzies, I have to cut out the dry part by thinning it. Stupid me just agreed with what she suggested and yeah well, she did just that.
Immediately after she finished drying my hair, my mom didn't comment, or even look at me. That was the warning signal that it looked horrible. I knew it just from her silence. I could've bet any amount of money on it. I couldn't really tell what it was like because I was looking at it from far away. Well.. It wasn't so bad when I first came home and looked in the mirror. Maybe I was just trying to be the little optimist. Anyway, I put my sunglasses on, and pulled my hair back with it, yanno, like a make - shift head band. I just took a look in the mirror..
..It looks like crap. Complete crap. I hate it. Extremely. I'm being force - fed my words; "It'll grow back." and "It's okay."
So anyway, that's why I'm kind've upset. About the stupid butcher job on my head. So I'm very sorry if I get mad at anyone and / or snap at you. I'm just miserable with my appearance. If I'm lucky, it's still long enough to shove into a ponytail. :: Puts a bag over her head. :: Later days. - Out.
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Lol. I thought this was funny as hell. Truth is, it's mostly right on, though. ;)
You and Your Aries
( That's me, genius. :D )
Do's of Seduction
( Oooh baby. )
Step right up and catch your Aries' eye. Let them notice what a prize you are -- and then let them try to win you.
Take a bold approach -- your Aries will appreciate your forwardness as well as your independent spirit.
Be up for anything, whether it's a midnight rendezvous at the beach or a ride on whitewater rapids.
Brace yourself: An Aries will surprise you no matter what you're ready for. Every day is a different adventure.
Get ready to enjoy an always energetic and ever-so-romantic courtship.
Expect fun: Your Aries will carry you away in a flurry of bouquets, balloons and little treats you could never expect.
Learn to lay back and enjoy, as your Aries lover will sweep you up in a whirlwind of passion.
Take pride in your Aries' irrepressible spirit. Bask in your Ram's radiance -- they will be the winner of the race, the life of the party or the star of your own private, personal show.
Don'ts of Seduction
( Don't even think about it. )
Never cling too tightly or chase too hard. Your Aries will quickly take steps to preserve their freedom.
Don't be too critical of them or their friends.
Avoid being overly critical -- they will get hurt and leap to defend. Don't hold a grudge, either.
Don't try to get some extra attention by flirting with others or by bringing up past flings. These tricks will surely backfire with an Aries, who would prefer that you leave the past where it belongs and give your present relationship full attention.
Don't decide you are not in the mood once you lure your Aries into your arms. Your Aries will take it to mean you don't want them any more, even if this is opposite of the truth.
Don't try to dampen your Aries' spirit or quench that zest for life. Your partner, as well as your relationship, will be hurt. High spirits and exuberance are part and parcel of the Ram's personality.
Kewl, huh? - Out.
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Sunday, August 12th, 2001
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| Subject: | woo. |
| Time: | 9:33 pm. |
| Music: | "Dreaming Tree" -- Dave Mathews Band. |
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Here's a quick run - down of my weekend. Horrah.
Friday, as you all know ( or didn't know ), I went to PA over the weekend to go to Hershey Park. My parents forced me to get up so that we could leave early and go look at property. That took a good 4 hours or so. Then we drove another 2 hours to get to Hershey. We drove into the campsite ( which is like, a 2 minute drive from the park ) and set up our tent which took about an hour, because my mom and I forgot how to do it. Anyway, I felt like crap all day to the point where I felt constantly sick, and barely ate anything. I slept crappy b/c they run trains ( which deliver sugar and cocoa to Hershey ) all nite long. Not to mention the people next to us were loud as hell, too.
Saturday, after I was awake for 2 minutes, I threw up. How exciting. Anyway, I was better afterwards. We were in the park and we did all the rides. Late at nite, me and my dad were doing the 'dueling' rollercoaster called the Lightning Racer. They have two rollercoasters that go at the same time. One is called Thunder ( it's a green colour ) and the other is called Lightning ( it's a red colour ). We had an adorable little boy behind us and we were ahead of the other car until the very end were it beat us. As we're waiting to pull into the loading section, I hear the little boy say to his father: "Lightning always wins. That's why it's called 'Lightning Racer'." HOW CUTE IS HE? Then, when we were walking back to leave, I wasn't paying attention while I was walking with and talking to my parents, and I accidently bumped into someone. I didn't have much time to react to anything at this point.. Besides, I didn't really think much of it until the freaking guy shoved me ( in a way that I was turned to face him after I caught my balance again ) and yelled at me, "Excuse you!" God. Get a fucking life. I don't bump into people on purpose. You're 3 times my size. You don't have to shove me around because I made a mistake. I wish he could see this. Anyway.
Sunday, today we went out for pizza with my dad's side of the family. My cousin, Jason, ate a whole 18" pie by himself. My uncle too, except his had like, 2lbs of sausageon it. Anyway, if you do it, you get a free tee shirt. It's really cool. I wish I hadn't felt like crap, or I would have tried to do it too. It was funny, though. I don't know what is with my cousin lately. He suddenly cannot breathe without his girlfriend by his side. He takes her everywhere. I mean, to all our family things too. I barely see them, but I'm sure that she's sick of me already. Anyway, they say she's the exact same way. That she will never go anywhere without him with her, either. Geez. ._. How repulsively cute. I wish I had something that could be so cute that I repulsed other people. ._.;;
Anyway, I shall be going. - Out.
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I've come to the conclusion that I'm really sick of being single. I'm tired of being alone all the time and keeping everything to myself. I'm also thoroughly sick of having to be innerly strong for the sake of keeping myself sane. I've gotten to the point where I think it's just about time to not care about anything anymore. So what if I become vunerable? Same thing goes for Sam. She needs to stop her damn whining and get a boyfriend.
My only problem is that.. 1. I'm either too shy, or 2. If I try, they get further away. God knows why they do, but they do. Or maybe I just think they do.. Like they're trying to avoid me or something.
Well now. Horrah for me. I found a new song to play over and over again whenever I feel this way. "The Motivation Proclamation" by Good Charolette. - Out.
Lyrikz:
Spend your lazy, endless crazy days, inside my head.
You're so selfish, you're not the only one who thinks he's dead.
I'm paid to smile, now I'm on trial for what you think I said.
'Cause I never said that everything would be ok,
And I never said that we would live to see another day.
Motivate me, I wanna get myself out of this bed.
Captivate me, I want good thoughts inside of my head.
When I fall down would you come around and pick me right up off the ground.
I'm un-artistic, I'm un-realistic,
You say I'm selfish and absurd.
You try to change me, you try to save me.
You say I'm gonna learn. I'm so blind,
I'm out of time. You're so unkind sometimes.
I never lied, I never lied, I never lied...
'Cause I never said that everything would be ok.
And I never said that we would live to see another day.
Motivate me, I wanna get myself out of this bed.
Captivate me, I want good thoughts inside of my head.
When I fall down would you come around and pick me right up off the ground.
'Cause everything it'll be ok,
You know we're gonna live to see another day.
Yeah...yeah...
Motivate me...yeah,
Motivate me...yeah.
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| Subject: | .. |
| Time: | 9:14 pm. |
| Mood: |  indifferent. | | Music: | "Hit or Miss" -- New Found Glory. |
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Have you ever wanted to write something deep, or to express your emotions? I really want to do that right now, but I just can't. I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. I feel.. tired and disgusted, but I don't know why. I need help. I'm going out house hunting with my parents tomorrow. Goody. How exciting. :: Eye roll. :: I could hardly care less. If and when we ever use this damn house, I'll be in college. So it doesn't matter to me at all what they're like.
On a lighter note, I finished a lot of my part of Nicole's story and I drew this awesome picture of Tomoyo.
- Out.
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OMGOMGOMGOMG. This is too funny. My sides are hurting so badly from laughing so hard. Nicole told me Cuppi's journal name and I went and read her journal out of sheer boredum to count how many times she said that she was the best. I found this instead:
*Sigh* I wish I could be an anthro, or one of my charrie just all happy and angelic like I don't know. And wow am I horny, probably because of this goddam period. I don't know, and I have a feeling one of these days I'm gonna be a stripper. Probably because I like the attention and it makes me feel good to know I'm turning on people. Heh, from love to lust. Amazing how fast it changes, ne?
OMFG. How funny. And yet, how totally nasty at the same time. Anyway, there's something else I found entertaining:
*Hangs her head wanting to cry but can't because is hurt so much tears and anything else are imaginable*
Okay. Note that neither of these are me, but Pkmn bitcho - Live Journal username: [daitenshi]
Alright. I've done my evil deed for the day. <333 - Out.
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Thursday, August 2nd, 2001
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I realized a lot about myself when I went away. I think a whole bunch of people did.. 'Cuz Nicole says she suddenly realized that she has issues. Eh, okay. If you say so.. But I don't think you do, if that's any consolation. But anyway, back to what I realized.
I don't like to ask people things. Just little stupid things like.. I hate to ask if I can sit at their table during a meal, or if I can be part of their group when we have free time. I'll just keep my mouth shut and wait for them to ask me first. I don't really know why I do that. I always felt that I was being a bother or something, I think. I feel like I'm invading, even if they are my friends and it doesn't bother them at all to have me. I'm always worried that I'm going to become annoying to them and that they really don't like me but, they're just too afraid to tell me to my face. I know a lot of people who really don't like someone, but they just grin and bear it because they're afraid to hurt that person's feelings. I don't want people to do that to me. I don't want to be sheltered. That's why I always tell people: "If I get annoying.. Tell me. I don't want you to have to have me around if you don't want me." And they're always like: "No. It's okay. We do want you.." But how can I be sure?..
It's the same on - line. I barely IM anyone; I'm afraid that I'm being a bother to them. I know what it's like to have someone who IMs you the second you get on - line and doesn't stop until the minute you sign off. I'm afraid to be like that. Nicole and Rach are always like: "Dan's on. Did you IM him?" The answer is always no. I never talk to Dan unless he IMs me first. I don't think he likes me much anymore and I'm afraid to bug him by IMing him too much.
Anyway. That's not the best part. Here it is. I don't get guys. ( Does anyone? ) I really try to understand their tiny male brains, but that doesn't work. They're far too complicated. Can someone explain them to me? Please? I'm desperate. Really. They act all nice and sweet to you, but when you act that way back, they freak and go away somewhere. ._. God. I don't like that. I can't stand when they act weird. Don't you know how to express your damn emotions!? Geez. Anyway, I'm lucky I have so much shyness in me. It saves me a lot of getting hurt and a lot of rejection. Anyway, next subject.
I know everyone goes through periods of depression. Someone proved it to me just the other day while I was still on my trip. But that's not the point of my story. I was completely miserable and was moping around when my friend asks me to come sit outside with her ( this being on our free time and all ), having nothing else to do, I said yeah. After that, I got dragged out because a group needed one more person so I left with them. Let's see. The group consisted of the guy I liked, my best friend of the trip, and the girl that the I liked, liked. What a combo. Well anyway, we parked our butts on a bench that was about 20 feet from the beach and started to talk. We all said what we thought was wrong with ourselves and what not, so then we went all in a circle and said one nice thing about each other. This is what everyone said:
1. I'm shy.
2. That I'm really pretty.
3. That I'm really funny and that it's like.. smart funny. And a whole bunch of other nice things.
It was really nice, actually. I felt a lot better. ._. I'm not good with the whole confidence thing, and my one friend radiates a huge amount of self - confidence. But she says it's all just a facade. She said that in her relationships, she's always the strong one. The one who gives the other the confidence they need. That's what I need. Someone who assures me of things about myself, but isn't doing it every 5 seconds. And someone who just likes me for who I am, and who would like to hug me just because. I don't know if there's a person like that for me. I can always hope, right? Anyway. That's enough deep things from me today. - Out.
p.s. My brother watched the Care Bear movie. :DDDD i <22/ u bruthr.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Yeah. I'm back. I'm not going to bore you all to death with the details of my trip, but I'll give you a quick run down of each country in 5 words or less:
Spain: Chicken and Potatoes.
Andorra: Sellouts.
France: Bread, cigarettes, and cheese.
Monaco: Racing. ( They hold the Grand Prix there. )
Italy: Our pizza is better.
Vatican: We're expensive. So don't touch!
Okay? So now you don't have to ever visit these countries because you already know all about them! Anyways. I have a lot more to say that's not about my trip. ( Thank God, I know. )
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Nicole just left a few minutes ago. ._. Wow. Omg. I still can't believe it, I guess.
She gave me a whole bunch of stuff.. An Evangelion and Sailor Moon book. It's awesome. We don't have anything like this in my town. Not to mention that I got to keep a whole bunch of her drawings. ( We traded. ) Most of them are ones she did of Sammy, but some are her sketches. Also, I gotz a really cute ( yellow <333333 ) kittie plushie with sad brown eyes. Also, she traded pkmn with me. :D So now I have a Celebi, blue Myuu, purple Charizard, and Porygon 2. Horrah.
Anyways, Nicole is not gothic. Not in the least. Heh, so there goes all your goth insults out the window, Rach. Anyway, I have some bracelets now too. My mom took some pictures, but don't think that you're going to see them or anything. u.u I'm not very pretty, yanno? Anyways, I'll probably post again later. Nicole might be back by the 10th, early enough so that I can talk to her before I leave for Europe. If not, then, I'll talk to everyone when I get back. - Out.
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I finally got ahold of Nicole. Wau. I'm actually going to meet her tomorrow. Wow. We're doing something no one else in my group of friendz has done before. *dundundun* Meeting someone from on - line. Ooo scary, scary. Anyway, we already agreed that we would exchange some drawings. I think that's kinda kewl. Well, I have to go soon.. My head is killing me, and my body aches x a lot. I'm hoping sleep with cure this. Maybe? - Out.
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.. This one girl had her journal posted on her profile. ._. I'm really, really frickin' bored, so I read it. Omg.. Everything she says.. I can relate to. Here's an excerpt:
i think the worst feeling is not feeling anything at all. i think that i feel lonely. i think that i feel scared. i'm not sure what i feel. maybe i don't. or maybe i feel too much. i'm only sure that i'm not sure at all.
i've felt like this for such a long time. i am alone. very, very alone. the more friends i make, the more alone i am. i've said this before. i should say it again. i should keep saying it, because this is the truth.
i feel like i'm such a bother when i im people, which is rarely never. i shy away from it, hoping that maybe people would actually like me if i didn't talk as much as i could. i need someone to talk to, though. anyone. someone. it's the same thing again and again.
i want someone. someone who i am with constantly. someone who can accept me for me. someone who wants to be with me constantly. can handle me. someone who can make me complete. what happened to that? i used to have it. man, you'd be surprised how hard it is to wake up from that type of reality. it shelters you a lot.
i've thought about things, though. about a lot of things. i think that i've missed the point of love. that it's not all about that one special person who makes your life, but rather, it's about how many people you can love and make happy, just as if you were in love yourself.
love is love and.. there should be a lot of it.
I have nothing more to say. - Out.
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| Subject: | oh yeah. |
| Time: | 5:54 pm. |
| Mood: |  loved. | | Music: | Way too many. This took well over an hour to make.. |
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Oh yes. There was something that I wanted to do. Type out all my on - line friends, like Rach did. I thought it was a really good idea, and better yet, I have a few questions, too. This should be kind've short / mildly long. Deal wit it, k?
** Close Friends **
Nikl: The best on - line friend I've got. I talk to her all the time, and I philophize a lot. I've known her from the time when I was a newbie... When she had "Kawaii Nikki" for a screen name. ( I had my ACAT one. And only that one. ) And I knew her even before Nikki - Chan was more than one character. Which is about 2 years. I was supposedly gonna meet her, but her cells been off. ._. Maybe another time?
Paul: My brother. In RP time, I think he was the 4th person I met since I started. Nicole was the 3rd. I knew him when he had "Kawaii Goten" as a screen name, and he and Nicole were only 'friends.' Hell, I was even there when he told her that he liked her. I used to ask him all the time if he liked her.. And it was cute when he finally confessed.
Rach: At the time, she was a TRHQ person. Me, Nikl, and Paul were all Foresters. I remember when I met her, that Mel had just 'broken up' with her. She still says it was just a big joke.. But for the record, she's a really nice, ( preppy ) person, who fits into my big circle of close friendz.
*Note* - Rach says she's honoured. :)
Sepy: Though I barely see her now, she was one of my best ( Pkmn Forest ) friends when I started RP. Her character, Sammy, and Nikki - Chan would 'burn' Goten and Torankusu's animal books. ._. She's still a good friend to me. We <333 Evil Chococat Plushie.
Liz: I barely see her anymore either. Since RP in the forest went dead, she moved onto RhyDin with her terrorist character. I met her kind've recently, but she's still one of my good friends. ._.
Jay, Rob, and Ralph: I'm doing them all together, because they were the next 5th - 7th people I met in RP. I joined their guild through Fox, and met Rob that same night when they taught me to spar. Rob treated my character badly, but in the end, he told Jay that he liked her and that's how one day it all came together. Ralph, at the time was the GC, and I thought he was like, a mini god. I found that he's a real nice guy. <3 My looooove.
Dan!: Woo. I doubt that what I have to say is something that you don't already know. I met Dan through Sean ( GC of PfH, another guild I joined; with Sammy ), and like, was instantly in love with the guy from the second I met 'em. Sean teased us both, a lot about each other, I should add. "Yousa like Dan!" e.e Anyway.. Surprisingly, ( to my benefit ), Dan IM'd me and said he had to tell Sean something. I dragged it out of him, and told me that he liked me. ._. It was so cute. Anyway, then he cheated on me with Robyn, so la de fxcking da. The end. :)
** Friends **
KayT: I used to be a lot closer with her when I still had my Katie name, but I do talk to her a lot still now. Most of the time, it's about horses and all, but it's still nice to chat with her.
Wolf: One of my guild members. After Tifa left, Wolf was Cat's replacement best friend. ( And Fox's girlfriend after Cat got married. ) Wolf - mun herself was also real nice, but Rob always tormented her so.
*Note* - Wolf was Cat's bride's maid at her wedding.
Marc, Carl, and Christine: Former guild members and members of an allied guild. These guys were part of my PP circle of friends. When Ralph still had AOL, we all would spar at night and play games. Carl and Christine encouraged me to take over PP after Fox's disappearance, and Marc's unsuccessful reign.
Kev: First person I ever met when I RP'd. I was the Pikachu for his Satoshi. I still talk to him sometimes. He's really nice and comes to spars with Cat sometimes, even though Ness ( Rob ) didn't like him much either..
Nicole A.k.A. Szdraw: I met her along time ago, when I RP'd with Kev. She was a Charmander, I think. Anyway, our human chars used to hang out sometimes, and torture RJ. ( Which me and Rob still do sometimes. )
Tifa!: She was Cat's best friend. During spars, if they had to hit one another, they would atleast try to be nice about it ( That's how the joke of 'Tifa's Tissues' came about. ), either that or they'd team on someone and attack. She was supposed to be the bride's maid in Cat's wedding, but Fox made her be flower girl.
Devon: I knew her for a long, long time. She RP'd a Minako char, but is not really into the whole chat thing anymore. I don't talk to her much, but sometimes she still invites me into her chat with all her other friends and we all just talk for a while. Only problem I have with her, is that she dated.. KEV. ( Jason Kyotou ) EW. Omg. ;.;
Jon: My penpal and my spanish buddy. I wrote him a letter, which I don't think ever got mailed. Eh.. I must check on that. I don't really have much to say about him except that he's the biggest UO freak on the planet. I want to get that stuff and see if it's really worth it.
Brad: He RP'd XL, an arcanine which one of my characters was with. He was real nice to me, and I still talk to him sometimes -- usually it's somewhat intelligent conversation. But that's nice, I get to take a break from all my hyperness and expand my horizon. Geez, I sound like the Hooked on Phonics commerial. :: Blank smile. :: HUKD ON FONIX WERKD 4 MEE.
Kriz, Jarred, Eric, "Brent", Ron, and Adam: They're all TRHQ people that let me RP with them. I mean, they're all real nice to me and all, but they ignore me a lot too. I don't think that it's quite on purpose.. Or maybe it is. I don't know. Anyway, they're nice to my face so that makes them part of my special friends. :)
CJ and Ducky: Two of my newest friends that I met yesterday. They're both real nice to me, and talk to me sometimes. Not that much, but still, it's worth something, eh? Yeah, they also RP with me, and they treat my character well enough. So that gives them a gold star in my book! ;D
*Note* - CJ let me in on a secret. I feel so special. :)
Fuzzy: My other newest friend. He's super nice to me and talks to me a lot. He reminds me of Rob almost, because he's always making some kind of weird/funny comment. He RPz a chibi Torankusu, which is the exact opposite of Alan's. He sort've watches out for Sammy, so hugz for you, Fuz - chan!
If I missed anyone, please excuse my ignorance. Mention it to me, and I'll slap your name up here too. I don't want to forget any of my friends. Or check below, maybe you're on my enemy list. :)
**Enemies**
Alan, Aj, ja, etc. : He must be first at the top of my list and everyone else in the world's. He is a mean, heartless person. He cares only for himself, and does things to intentionally hurt people. He was the cause of Sammy's dying the first time. Fxcking Raz and Traz. God, I can't even remember how many times I cried during those stupid depressing RPs with him. Not to mention, his character has come back from the dead so many damn times, it's not even funny. I hate him for more than just killing my character, making her fxcked up in the head, and emotionally scaring her. He cheated on me too! ^^ With his ex, Laura, who he still constantly bxtches about. Not to mention that he sends everyone on a huge pity trip to get them to forgive him and his xsshole tendencies. Once, he told all this shxt to Nicole, and he's cursed her off more than once. Not to mention that to this day, he still stalks me and Nicole in the Pkmn Forest. He makes up fake screen names and keeps 'tabs' on us. We've turned the tables and done the same thing to him a couple of times, and it pissed him off immensely. Payback is a bxtch, eh Alan? He's probably reading this, too, thinking of ways to get me back for revealing what a complete mother fxcker he really is. Hi honey! :(
Samantha Pkmn, Pkmn, Cuppi, 'Cups', Bxtch, etc.: A dense headed, wanna be elitest who immediately hated me because my character had the same name as hers. She only likes people who suck up to her and kiss her xss, but when they're not around, she disses them. It's quite funny, really. I remember once, that she sent out her picture and she was sooooo ugly. Everyone made fun of her for weeks. Now she claims that she 'doesn't have a scanner.' Live up to the picture, Pkmn. Secondly, she's just stupid. "Flying Cupcakes." That's bull.. Not to mention, her character lost virginity to Jarred's character, Tyler. Smart one.
Rick: MysticalX2000. Yup, Sam's ex. He's just stupid, and I do hate him quite a bit. I really don't feel like going into the reasons why, because next is my favourite person. :)
Last, and definately least..
Robyn: I hate you. I used to be such good friends with her before I dated Dan. She helped him cheat on me. It's quite nice, actually.. Because when I went to talk to her about the whole situation, and tell her I was still willing to her friend, she acted all stupid and bxtch - like to me. So, I changed my mind. I just said 'forget you' and went on with my business like nothing had ever happened between her and Dan. Not too long ago, Rach went and talked to her. She said all this stuff about how I hated her and how I was so mean to her and all this crap. Robyn, the hell over yourself. I'm not like that, and everyone knows it. Secondly, you then went on to lie that you were 'losing your AOL' to make us all feel sorry for you, when you still have AOL to this day. I still don't like you, nor do I care any about you. All I can say now is a lot of people say that you're ugly and have a big nose. :)
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| Subject: | 'Che. |
| Time: | 5:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  hyper. | | Music: | "Minute Man" -- Missy Elliot. |
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Anyway, sorry about yesterday. I got so involved with other things and didn't even write out my dream. Oh well, too bad for you, eh? Anyway, I called Nikl all day yesterday, and most of today. ._. Nothing. I guess I won't get to meet her after all. I'll just give her my adress then, I suppose. I don't think my mom'll care anymore, since she was gonna let her come to the house.
Anyway, if you wanted to know what I so 'busy' with yesterday, it was RP! Gee whiz. Dani, RP'ing again. ( I know, I finally got to RP! :D ) How exciting. With DB GT people at yet! With a Gohan, Gokou, Bura, Bulma, Bejiita, chibi Goten, and chibi Torankusu! ( No, I found them and just joined their RP, they did not stalk me. ) And now, now, don't get angry. It's not ja's kind of Torankusu, but a real nice chibi one.
Him and Goten were robbing a taco stand or something, and Sammy just gave her little attitude n' such. ._. It was quite cute. They treated her well and all; after she showed off what little power she possessed. But, in a way, I'm real glad, yanno? I finally found a RP that I can stick with, where the muns are all real nice and stuff.. So now I don't have to depend on Nicole and Paul for a Rp all time. Even though, I would never pass up a chance to Rp with them. :o
I'm leaving for Europe on Tuesday. Today is Friday. God, I'm scared. ;.; I hope that this is a good trip. I wonder if anyone'll miss meh. ._.
HELL YEAH. :D We're getting cable on the 10th! ( Unfortuntely, I won't get to use it until I get back in August. ) I can hardly wait. AOL is so damn slow and has all these error problems. Ugh. I can't wait for something faster. Anyway, I shall be going. Off to play games in Neopets. ( Yes, I know I have no life. ) - Out.
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My mom got real mad at me yesterday, and wasn't going to let me meet Nicole. She told me how I was all this stuff ( lazy, good for nothing, etc. ); I finally got a chance to tell her why I did what I did, which was like, 9 or so at night. She was just like: 'Oh, okay.' And told me that I should call Nicole early this morning. I did, and have been.. ._. But I've gotten nowhere. Her cell isn't on. Talk about your crappy luck. Anyway, on the lighter side, I'll type up my funny dream so you all can get a good laugh. Don't ask me why I have weird dreams like these.. I just don't know..
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Wednesday, July 4th, 2001
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| Subject: | ^^! |
| Time: | 11:28 pm. |
| Mood: |  busy. | | Music: | "Flavor of the Week" -- American Hi - Fi. |
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I'm feeling muuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better now. I cleared up a lot of stuff with my mom. So everything is all good now. I'll write up my dream tomorrow! And please, dun laugh when you read it. I mean, I know that it's really frickin' strange and all, but.. Ugh, well. You'll just see it tomorrow.
- Out.
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| Subject: | .. |
| Time: | 10:18 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | "Last Resort" -- Papa Roach. |
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Okay. No big story today. I was going to type out a dream I had, but fxck that.
Ever have one of those days where you wanted to commit suicide. Yes? No? Yeah, well. That's the kind of day I'm having.
I'm working on my Sam profile, and Rach's description. I doubt I'll bbl. - Out.
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Whoo. I can't believe that I'm finally getting to write. I could have waited till tomorrow, but I didn't feel like it. I'll explain what I did during each day of my vacation. So this is your final warning, this is long, and probably will be somewhat boring. I'm just doing this for myself so that I can have an accurant account of what I did before I get involved with other things and forget. I will write a second entry after this; probably about my thoughts.
June 28th - *yawn* Got up real early to go to the airport ( which is like, 15 minutes from my house ). The stupid flight was at 9:20, though we didn't even board the plane till about 10:45. Stupid delays. I had to wait in the airport for over 2 hours. Anyways, we then had to take another flight from Washington D.C. ( we didn't get a direct flight, ugh. And we don't have a direct one back, either. Double ugh. ) to get to Orlando. Which thankfully, was only about an hour and 45 minutes. But that wasn't the worst part. We had to drive about 1 1/2 hours to get to my friends house. ( She lives north of Orlando. ) But, with my mom and my luck behind us, we got lost 2 minutes after we got out of the airport so the trip up there took about 3 hours instead of the 1 1/2. My mom was so pissed because I fxcked up the directions, but it didn't really matter in the end; the directions were utter crap besides. Anyway, we got there ( my friend's house ) with help from them. We had to call them up because we had no idea where the hell we where. At all. So they came and got us and we followed them to the house. When we pulled up, I was shocked. Their house is beautiful. Much more impressive than my friend had described. Both her parents thought it funny when I was all like: "OMG! YOUR HOUSE IS SO PRETTY!!!" Anyways, we unpacked and settled in. Of course my friend and I had much to talk about, but I think the ( boy ) topics should remain between us.
June 29th - Heh. My friend and I had to have slept 'til atleast 11 that morning. It was nice. Usually, my mom is waking me up at 9, calling me on the phone, and telling me to clean the dxmn house before she gets home.. So it was an unexpectedly pleasant surprise. Anyway, I had to find a stupid dress for my trip on the 10th ( of July ), so my suggested that we go to the mall. She needed some new clothes anyway because she had gotten rid of most of her other things when she moved. I agreed, so our parents dropped us off and let us prance around the mall for about 4 hours. I found a whole bunch of shirts ( a particular favourite -- an adorable tiger shirt which I might wear when I meet Kola ), as did my friend; but alas, no dress. Anyway, we spent the rest of the night watching t.v.
June 30th - Horrah! I finally got a tan! I think.. Maybe I can tell after all this red goes away. My friend took me to Flagler Beach so that we could spend a few hours. Before that, her mom took us to some Captain Jack resturant where we had lunch. It was pretty good. I had some club sandwich thing, which my mom had too. Anyway, then we hit the beach. It was great. My parents don't particularly care for the beach, so I never really get to go ( while in Jersey ) except for when my cousin goes down the shore and takes me with her. I spent about an hour in the ( highly salty ) water, riding the waves. I really like the beach; and find the fact that there are manatees ( sp? ) in the water all the better. Though I didn't see any, I was assured that they were there. ( How cute! ) Anyway, we got out of the water and sat in the sun for a while. I had absolutely no colour on me whatsoever; that is, until a good few hours later. I turned a decent shade of red.. Even now I'm still a shade or two of pink. Hopefully it'll turn into tan soon enough. We came home and went in my friend's pool, though the 'deep' end was hardly deep. I could touch the bottom of the pool with the tips of my toes and still keep my head above the water. It was only 6' deep.. Her cousins came down from somewhere that day, and also went in the pool. We played a few rounds of Marco Polo, then I retired to a shower ( with only 2 minutes of hot water; they have lots of water restrictions there, not to mention their bills are super high ) and then we went out shopping ( my friends parents went out to the movies so my mom took us out ). I needed the make - up anyway, and this was the perfect opportunity.. So in the end, I did get some of the stuff I needed. Another horrah; well deserved too, I do think.
Not to mention that I spent about half the night talking to my best friend.. It was like she still lived down the block; like she never moved at all..
July 1st - ( yesterday ) My last full day with my best friend. Sigh. Atleast it was well spent. We went kayaking. And dude, let me say, that crap is hard! I'm real used to canoeing, but kayaking is waaaay different. Not to mention that a two person kayak is twice as hard; but at the end we got it. It was really awesome, except for the fact that we had to doj the moving boats who left huge waves in their wake. There were manatees ( sp again? ) here, but there was so many boats passing by and ssuch that they were scared away to different hiding spots. We came home, and got ready. We were supposed to go to the movies with my friend's parents yesterday, but the movie we wanted to see wasn't playing until early the next day. So we went out and took the flick. Evolution. It was pretty funny.. Except for like, the one gross part. But otherwise, it was good. After that, we went shopping again, and I got extra art stuff. How cool is this: Everything was like, half the price than it is in Jersey! Great, I know. :) ) ( Don't think so? Maybe, it's just me then.. ) Then a well deserved sleep. I got up really early today and I can already tell you, it wasn't fun.
July 2nd - ( today ) Well, I left Ellz's house and went to my mom's cousin's house. I haven't really seen any of these people since I was probably about 7 -8 years old. I have really faint memories of my cousin Ryan.. Geez. He changed a lot. ( He reminds me a lot of Jason now. Someone that I would want approval from. ) Lol. He has Justin Timberlake - kinda hair. All wirey and curly like. I know somehow that Ellz would like him. Anyway, I really should be going, my mom is already yelling.. And I've been on way long just typing this whole thing. I'll write more tomorrow when I get home because it's a lot easier that way. Alrighty? Alrighty! - Out.
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catvallance's journal
crushed.
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excited.
jealous.
tired.